Can I Pay You In Sonic Mints?

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I'm at yet another time in my life where I'm questioning everything. Why am I here...what is my purpose...should I be in school...do I want to teach filthy, heathen children who don't want to be in school anyway...why is school so expensive??
Then, I sat on this last question. Why IS college so expensive? Fortunately, during my first round of college, I was blessed with a full scholarship. I didn't have to pay a dime. But when I got out of school and the only job I could find was working in a corrupt, local government office betraying everything I stood for, I really felt the need to further my education. 
There was only one problem. Or, about 100,000 problems, each of them worth $1. THIS time, however, there are no scholarships. No freebies. 
Which got me thinking...
If you go walking down the back alley and ask some thug for some smack, he's going to give you the best stuff he's got. He's gonna tell you because you look really nice and smart, he's not even going to charge you for it. So you run off, get high, and feel like you can take on the world!! You can do a lot of things. at once!1 
You try to continue on with your life, but as the drugs wear off, you realize, oh crap, I need more!! 
So you go back to the thug. You say "look man. That stuff you gave me allowed me to see the world!! I can DOOOO things!! But I need more!!! Hit me up!!"
He's like "Oh yeah! you liked that? That's awesome!! That will be $20."
How is college any different?? You finish high school with good grades and some smug jerk at some nice university says you look really nice and seem really smart so you can go to school for free. You get an education and feel like you can actually make a difference in this crappy world. You graduate and realize that the piece of paper that says you have a Bachelor's Degree amounts to as much as the McDonald's receipt that's been wadded up in the floorboard of your car for a year and a half.
After much thought, you decide you are going to go back to school to get your graduate degree. After all, you're still the intelligent person you were...even MORE so now!! So you go to talk to a smug guy at a different nice school and tell him you want to go to school again because you're tired of being 26 years old, living at home, and living off of Cap'n Crunch, watered down milk, and dog food.
He says "sure!! We'd love to have you!! That will be $200,000."