Best Class Ever

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I would apologize in advance for the following, but all of you guys and gals are so fabulous that I know that you will only judge me behind my back.

I have had some form of the Black Plague for about three months now. It's kind of waxed and waned in terms of seriousness, but it finally came to the point where my ability to communicate without coughing on strangers had been completely eliminated. Since my first trip to the doctor's office did not solve the problem, I went back today.

Maybe it was because I looked like the unibomber in my hoodie and track pants, but when I asked for cough syrup, they quickly obliged. Normally, when I get cough medicine, it has just enough codeine to knock me out for a couple of hours and let me go on about my day.

Today, however, the doctor gave me some. serious. crap.

When the pharmacist showed the bottle to me, he said "Now, this is some strong stuff. Only take it every 12 hours." What I heard was "The label says this is really strong, but it's exactly like all of the other medicine that you've taken for cough," so I go home and take a full dose at 11:00AM, quite sure that it will be worn off in time for my 3:00 class.

WRONG

The first thing I did, was write a paper. I'm not sure if I used complete sentences, or real words. The next thing I did was turn my lights off and sleep off this madness. What really happened though, was my limbs stopped moving. I forgot how to turn over and scratch my head. My brain, however, was running at 6478MPH, composing completely ridiculous sentences like "The polar bear wears jack-o-lanterns in the poster frame." Sadly, my subconscious knew exactly what it was talking about.

I tried for two hours to actually sleep. I finally woke up and thought that I should get ready for class. After I talked my body parts into making an attempt to properly function, I wobbled to my chair in front of my mirror and tried to put makeup on. I concluded that if I put on a dress and made an effort to look pretty on the outside that no one would know that I was having problems controlling my muscle movements and the sound of my voice.

When I finished the makeup fiasco, it looked like Michael J. Fox had put my eye liner on.

It was such a struggle trying to get to class. I ran into a tree and two parked cars, but I managed to avoid scuffing my pretty cowboy boots. I made it to class with no serious injuries. What is making my class so enjoyable right now is the simple fact that I have no idea what's going on. I am 99% sure that I will not remember one iota of it.

The BEST part is that I have to give a presentation in about ten minutes! Oh joy!

PS--I didn't edit this because I feel like it would completely defeat the purpose of writing this stoned.