Call Me Maybe

To contact us Click HERE
After receiving my first paycheck at the beginning of the semester, I decided that in order to survive I needed to find another part time job. As an answer to prayers, I found out that the fundraising office was hiring students to make cold calls to alumni and other donors.

Now I'll be the first to admit that calling strangers and asking them for money is not terribly high on the list of things I like to do. However, the pay was rather decent and I knew I could work as many hours as I wanted during the week. I was pretty stoked when I found out I got the job and despite being hung up on more times than I'd like to admit, it is actually a great job. They feed us, give us Monopoly money, and the job itself requires absolutely no physical activity on my part.

I realize that this job makes me nothing more than a glorified telemarketer. I will agree with the majority of the population that believes there is a special ring in hell for people who make cold calls. However, the difference between what I do and every other telemarketing company is people who are alumni expect the phone call once a year. We call twice and if you don't answer, we just send you something in the mail. Easy breezy.

Despite the brevity of our conversations and the extremely limited number of calls we make, it surprises me how nasty people are. Overall they are extraordinarily nicer than I have been to the people from DirecTV, but there have still been some who need to wash their mouths out with soap.

The biggest thing I've learned by working here is that everyone should be nice to those of us who make cold calls, regardless of how long you think we can burn in hell. I know that when I was a kid, I never said"I want to be a telemarketer when I grow up and get cussed out and hung up on by an infinite number of people." The reality, in my case at least, is that we were desperate for a job and happen to be able to talk the paint off of a wall (or at the very least, read a script).

Next is a list of things I would like to specifically say to the demographic who is fortunate enough to receive calls from me.

1. I don't know how it is with other companies, but *I* can see that you were President of FCA and Campus Crusade. Your repeated use of the F bomb and references to what my mother did last night makes me question a lot of things.
2. I am soooo happy that you were, like, President of your sorority and the, like, sweetheart of the same fraternity every year you were here. But now you are, like, 57 years old. I absolutely do not care.
3. It doesn't hurt my feelings when you say you can't donate, as long as you're nice.
4. We only call once a year. Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
5. Please don't get mad at me because your name does not have any vowels. I try harder than you know to pronounce names correctly. Show some mercy!!!

That about sums it up. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go count my Monopoly money and buy some ice cream and fake shoes.