(In)appropriate Behaviorisms

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Some might say that my obsession with creepers borders on "creeper." There is only one thing I have to say to that: You are completely right. I am a creeper, but only about a Stage Two...Stage Three on a bad day. I've been plotting a post that can help you define where you are on the Creeper Scale so you can get your life together accordingly. But that's not what this post is about.

This post is a brainchild that resulted from a Halloween candy overdose. Roommate mentioned to me that if a grown man tried to pass out candy to strange children on any other day of the year, the police would get involved. So, without further ado, I have compiled a list, based on my own experiences as well as those of my semi-psychotic counterparts, of things that are generally highly inappropriate, but there are some times you can get away with them.

1. Obviously, the Halloween candy thing I just mentioned.

2. Waiting in line to get your picture taken on an old fat man's lap. Seriously. How many parents wait in line for hours to let Little Suzy and Little Johnny sit on Santa's lap? I'm pretty confident that if you wanted to save yourself a few hours of temporary insanity that you could find a bum on the street corner wearing a Santa hat at any given time of the year. I'm sure Pedophile Paul would be delighted to hold your squirming kids for as long as you like.

3. Getting naked. If anyone says they don't like to take all of their clothes off in public, they're lying. It is pretty highly discouraged overall though, because unfortunately girls who look like Precious think they're Beyonce (or insert appropriate culture reference here) and that showing off their goods is their contribution to society. That's why Jesus invented dressing rooms.

4. Winking. So imagine this scenario: You're out at a bar and you notice this tall, handsome, Chris Hemsworth, Nordic god of a man. He smiles and the dimples make your body do things you haven't experienced since that one time at band camp. Then...he winks at you. You tell your girlfriends that you suddenly just realized that there's a guy at the bar that you saw on To Catch a Predator and that you need to call a cab and get the heck out!

So change settings: You're at home, lonely and crying into the third bag of cookies this evening. To solve your woes, you decide that you're going to sign up for an online dating site. Giddy with hope, you start going through profiles and see this tall, handsome, Chris Hemsworth, Nordic god of a man. In his picture, his grin reveals those gorgeous dimples. Suddenly, you get a message in your inbox.  He has winked at you. Now, you're planning a wedding.

5. Poking. Personally, Yours Truly takes a lot of pride in her personal space. When I am physically poked, particularly in the ribs, I don't stop to see who it was or ask why they wanted to invade my bubble. I punch them. Hard. Old ladies, children, I don't care. If you poke me, I will physically hurt you.
 
For some reason, Facebook believes that poking is something that people should do on a regular basis. It's the perfect way to say "I've been thinking about you naked, but I haven't had time to say anything to you because I've been playing Mortal Kombat." I don't like how the Poke feature is set up on Facebook for a couple of reasons. First, there is not a Punch button. Second, it's highly unforgiving. There is no "Are you sure you want to poke Yours Truly?" Whether it was an "accident" or not, you just creeped. Badly.

The only reason I'm including Poking in this post at all was that I recently was "accidentally" poked by someone I haven't spoken to in years. After a few months of harrassing each other on Facebook, I actually scored a few super awesome dates out of this "accident." (I still don't believe you, by the way, but I don't really care at this point.)