Hotels and Hepatitis

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Hey friends and lovers and lovers of friends. This is the easiest post I've ever had to do because it's a GUEST POST!!
My bestie Lindsay used to have a blog, but her OCD is consuming her life and she feels like people are reading her thoughts. I don't know why she feels safer among you freak-a-deeks who lurk around MOYT, but I guess since she is one of aforementioned freaks, she feels like she fits right in. LB has supported MOYT since back in the day when she was one of only three people I could get to read it at all. SOOO when she asked if she could do a guest post, I was more than happy to oblige. 
Without further ado, I present to you my Right Elbow...Lindsay:
On a recent trip to D.C., I was made very aware of my need to be Medicated. Heavily Medicated. Upon checking into our lovely Hilton hotel, we threw open the door to the room and were pleasantly surprised. So Modern and Welcoming after 9 hours in the car. I did my normal Crazy inspection, where I rip apart the Bed in search of bedbugs and Sanitize all Remotes and Door Knobs. Success. Later that evening I decided that I needed to shower. I went into the bathroom and as I pulled back the curtain, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Hanging on the back of the bathroom door was a pair of Men's Underwear. Yes. Men's Underwear. Stranger's Undergarments. In my clean Bathroom.

This finding was far too fantastic to phone down 13 floors. I decided to pay the Front Desk Robot a visit. I was calm and polite when I stated that I have a problem with my room. You And Every Other Bubba, she probably thought. When I spoke the words, "I was disgusted to find a pair of Men's Underwear on the back of my bathroom door," the Robot moved. Her jaw dropped and stupidly asked me If It Was Still There. No, I packed it away to re gift at Christmas and I just wanted to see if there was a charge. Of Course it is still there!  Needless to say, after a few more "doubting the cleanliness and integrity of my room" statements, we received a compensation on our bill.
This lead to a disturbing Thought Loop for my 9 Hours of driving the next day. Everything is Covered in Filth. Everything. I know hotel rooms are only so clean, but when they clean your room it is suppose to be done in such a way to make you forget that some stranger stood naked in your bathroom a few hours before. They should not leave evidence to support such things. Rest Stops. Now there is a Heap of Hazard. When you walk into a Rest Stop Restroom, there is usually someone in there cleaning or at least the faint scent of Bleach. So you pick a stall which Appears to be Clean, Walk-In, and Close the Door. You are careful, right? Seat covers, flush with your feet, the works. Did you have your Cell Phone in your hand when you walked in? Did you touch the lock to secure yourself in there? Are you aware that the person before you just touched that lock once they finished their business? Now its on your Cell phone. Which means it will be on your face and soon take over your body. You are now covered in Rest Area Hepatitis. The reality is that someone just did something icky in there right before you walked in. If you walked into a stall and someone had left an artifact like my Naked Hotel Man did, you would also feel unsettled and dirty. What if that person just before you put a Post-It on the back of the door that said, "I made a Bad choice when I ate Taco Bell." You were just made Very aware of what the person before you Did in the very stall in which you Stand. And Breath.