Boobies!!

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Last night, I was lying in my bed starting to drift off into what may or may not have been another Harry Potter dream when I accidentally caught myself trying to keep up with my train of thought. On a normal day, my train of thought goes something like this. If you have ready any of my dream posts, you can just imagine how insanely ridiculous that process is when my brain is not in turned "on".

One of these thoughts made me stop, wake up, and think "I really need to write this down." And that was boobies.

Now I need to say a few things: 1) I'm not talking about them in a sexual way. B) This is not a graphic post

I think it all started when I was in middle school and was horribly picked on by equally pimply girls, only they were wearing Abercrombie and Fitch and I was wearing cut off jean shorts and a Looney Tunes shirt. I won't go into a bunch of history here because I've spent enough time sharing that with a series of overpaid therapists.

Now that I'm all grown up, I still have lots of those issues because I'm always reminded that I am a weird person with deep-seated insecurities. Something happened to me recently though. I grew some boobies.

Twenty-six years old, and my boobs finally came in. I am far from having Katy Perry boobies, but I also don't have Justin Bieber boobs anymore either, so I count that as a win. Now that I have them, I want to show them off! I'm not gonna lie.

Thing is, showing off your boobies is frowned upon. Some say you look like a tramp. Others say that you're giving guys the wrong impression.

Poppy-cocks.

Do you want to know the honest to God reason I like to wear low cut shirts?

Other women.

Women? Whaaa? No. I'm serious. Boobs are intimidating. When I see a woman, the first thing I notice is how big her boobies are. Not in a sexual way! It's just the completely superficial method I use to size up people.

So when I'm having one of those days where I'm feeling all poopy, my new solution is to put on a low cut shirt and stare at myself in the mirror. And grab them, just so I'll know it's not a mirage. I guess I should be very thankful that God let me finish puberty up 15 years after it started.